The Butt Incident

I feel obligated every so often to remind myself and everyone else that this blog tends to become an outlet for frustrations and hardships, so it is not a fair indicator of my happiness (and sanity) level throughout the year. As such, I figured I would take the time on this amazingly beautiful Friday to explain the happy and ridiculous things that happened today.

Since today was our last review day for CST material, I made a big show about how amazingly, incredibly excited I am that they are taking the test in the next two weeks and that they are going to be more prepared than they ever have been, so they should get excited too... to which they replied that I am crazy and have a horrible sense of humor (but they laughed, which I pointed out). Despite their reaction, I had more than a handful of students saying to me that they'll probably skip school on some of the CST days, but they'll be sure to be at school for the math test. I told them that I was about to tear up. At least I know they're going to try. Showing up is often the hardest part for them.

Of course, that was Geometry. Algebra has quite a different dynamic; so much so that today I heard from another teacher that students in my class have been taking pictures of my butt on their cell phones when I'm not looking. Since I have no idea which students they are (ALL the students have cell phone problems), I'm just not going to draw attention to the situation and hope it passes. I thought we were done with the whole crush-on-your-teacher thing when they found out that it was not going to help their grade whatsoever. Maybe it's just because of my giddy Friday mood, but I thought the whole thing was pretty funny. It probably won't be as funny when I catch them doing it in class. I'll probably have to scare them with a whole sexual harassment lecture. Until then...

A Bad Week and a Good Read

It's not the fact that parents are less involved in their kids' education, and it's not due to the fact that so many in the community are economically disadvantaged. I think the biggest factor that separates the achievement levels that we see is the amount of violence and conflict that proliferates every day in this community.

Veteran teachers are even saying that this year is the worst yet - at least for that I am glad this isn't the norm for a school to deal with. Case in point though: yesterday there was shooting at Pinole Valley High School in our district during a track meet that left one student injured. At least every time something like this happens, the criminal is not a student - which is not to say that they weren't former students that dropped out.

Lunch in the teachers' lounge today brought a real downer of a conversation as we recounted all the crappy things that have happened in West Contra Costa schools this year, from the Richmond raping incident and recent death to the De Anza race riots, as well as the assault on a police officer at Kennedy High and the evacuation after bomb threats at Hercules High School. And that's not including the various cases of students getting arrested at schools from fights. Needless to say, our district's PR is not great right now, and it's more than just the test scores that are making the teachers wish we could just start over.

Every month or two, there comes a week where it seems that all teachers' schedules converge and we all have the worst week of our lives all at the same time. The camaraderie helps us all get to Friday still living, but we lose hours upon hours of sleep in the process. This month's edition was made extra bad since one of my roommate's students died over the weekend in a car accident. For my roommate to all of a sudden become distant and reserved was a little distressing, especially knowing that it's his outgoing humor that makes this job a little easier. Of course, I remember that during November I was a horrible roommate with similar reactions, so I suppose I had it coming.

Anyway, (to lighten the mood a little) on an unrelated note, the headline Time article this week was entitled "Should Kids Be Bribed to Do Well in School?" and can be read here http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1978589,00.html. From my perspective, it's part fascinating and part blasphemy. Either way, it's a case study that I think will leave you very opinionated or emotionally charged... or perhaps that's only when teachers read it.

In other news, California State Tests (CSTs) begin next week, and the math day is less than two weeks away. The countdown begins.

The Comparison

I have never been one to associate spring break with resort-style places like so many of my friends in college (Cancun! Mexico! Hawaii!), so this break was just what I needed. The anticipation of leaving Oakland started way too far in advance, probably due to the fact that March was officially "the longest teaching month" at our school. It did not help that the looming California state assessments were nearing, prompting my Teach For America advisor to get too close for comfort. Interestingly enough, these days it is not the actual teaching job that generates the stress so much as the influence from Teach For America. I understand their goal and philosophy, but there are times when I feel like TFA doesn't acknowledge the hard work that we do day to day. Pushing us to become better teachers is fine, but I often feel that they are more concerned with getting the results they need from us to show the public. I have even heard of some teachers making their tests a little bit easier so that their data for their students suggests a little more achievement; apparently the biggest reason they do it is to get TFA off their backs. I suppose my frustration with the organization that accepted me comes from the fact that my total student achievement (TFA is obsessed with numbers) hangs around a 60%, when our "Big Goal" is 80%. I understand that there are a lot of things I can do to improve my teaching effectiveness, but I wish that these results were taken in the context of our school's test scores. TFA's Big Goal might be 80%, but my Big Goal is to improve our school's test scores.

That being said... (that was not the direction in which I intended on beginning this post) my roommate and I got on the road headed for Seattle pretty quickly after school got out, with the only immediate goal of getting the hell out of California. Teach For America is a great training program in establishing high expectations out of yourself and your students, but throughout the year the organization loses effectiveness, as it seems so out of touch to specific issues that each school is dealing with. My roommate shares this belief, especially since his school was labeled as one of the lowest performing schools in California, dishing him a lot bigger issues to deal with than how to please his TFA advisor. Needless to say, the 13-hour car ride gave us time to vent about it all.

It was probably very healthy for us to not think about teaching for a week, but it turns out we both visited our respective high schools - to gain perspective, I guess. I really don't know what I was expecting to get from the visit; all I know is that throughout the year, I have found myself thinking many times about how easier or less stressful my job would be if I were teaching at my own high school.

I had some interesting reactions to a day of sitting in on math classes, and if it weren't for my roommate having similar reactions, I would feel apprehensive to sharing them. First off, it made me realize that TFA is an amazing organization, and truly knows the correct values and expectations to instill in teachers. I really do not believe that I am arrogant, but we both agreed that if we were to put as much time, energy and planning into a teaching job such as one from the high school from which I graduated, we could easily be the best teacher in our respective departments. Now that's not to say that the students weren't achieving; there were plenty of "if only..." thoughts running through my head as I mentally compared the behavior and academic progress between these students and my own...

What truly blew me away was first the thought that this was my education - what I came from. And yet, in many ways, I believe even these students aren't getting the education they deserve. Perhaps TFA has brainwashed us all to think that no teacher has it all figured out yet, but it seemed upon my visit to my hometown high school that no student was really being pushed. From my perspective, you may be able to understand how that situation seems like a waste of an amazing teaching opportunity. Of course, there are many differences to be seen between the two schools with which I am most familiar. First off, school starts 50 minutes earlier, which is still funny to me, since even at our late starting time I'll still only have seven students on time in first period. Having hour-long classes makes a huge difference compared to our 52min classes at RHS, especially since homework rarely gets done at the consistency of Skyline High School in Sammamish, WA. Because of this, we have to fit in Independent Practice time so that I can trick my students into doing homework problems before they leave. At Skyline, teachers seemed to take a much more leisured pace with the material, with a loosely structured agenda - compared to Richmond, which no doubt requires planning of instruction down to the minute in order to prevent chaos in the classroom. And it's not just that the students are much better at self-governing; the biggest contributor to the difference in behavior is that there are no student-student conflicts in class! Oh what I would give to have a class without a set of students that would literally kill each other if they sat next to one another.

So actually, I return tomorrow to school feeling a little better about myself. Things like class sizes, classroom resources and technology, and the expectation of homework over the weekend may have saddened me a little in thinking of all the ways my school could be better, but I am beginning to understand what was meant when I was told that I could teach anywhere after teaching here.

Teach For America's whole mantra is to close the achievement gap, but the interesting thing is that the TFA teaching strategies would be just as helpful I think in upper-middle class schools too. The irony is that while the implementation of these high expectations would improve the education of the students even in upper-middle class schools, that would almost detract from the original goal of closing the achievement gap, since both reference points would be improving at the same time. So what's more important - closing the achievement gap, or collectively improving the education of the country? Food for thought.

1:37:29

To anyone who has never run a half-marathon: do it. The race today was probably one of the most satisfying experiences of my life, and the way a community comes together to do an event like the Oakland Running Festival is just incredibly awesome. I was one of four teachers from Richmond High running the event, and another coworker ran the marathon (now a marathon is just plain ridiculous). For my first half-marathon ever, I am happy to say that I clocked in at 1:37:29, which is a 7:27 mile pace over the 13.1 miles. The way they do runs these days is pretty cool; I had a chip on my shoe that clocked my time exactly, and allowed them to read my name as I crossed the finish line. All the results are posted online too, which is cool to see how you stacked up to other runners. There were 3000 runners that finished the half-marathon, and overall, I got 136th place - 117th place among men. The coolest part for me was to see that in my division, among men 20-24, I placed 7th of 45. The whole experience was just amazing, and I want to do it again in another city!

Oakland: Runs and Guns

I try to start each entry with happy things. This time it's the fact that the weather in the Bay has been amazing, and that quarter three ends this Friday. Having 75% of the year completed is a pretty good feeling; I go back and forth daily deciding whether the year has passed with a blink of an eye or if this really could be the definition of an eternity. Regardless of my conclusion, it seems that life continues to pass at an undeniable warp speed, and this weekend, with health reform all in the news, I think I am starting to understand why.

The social work that is teaching puts such a relevant twist on most everything in state and national politics, that I am trying to absorb everything that is thrown my way. My conclusions? It is quite a chore to be an active an informed citizen, and it is incredibly overwhelming to learn exactly how (poorly) this country runs. I suppose that is a natural reaction when going from ignorance to overexposure in a matter of six months.

Okay, too much deep reflective thought. Back to happy things. The Oakland Running Festival is this weekend and I will be participating in the half-marathon; although I still have not come to a conclusion as to how it makes sense that I must pay a fee of $90 to put my body through so much pain. Actually I did run seven miles yesterday in 53 minutes, so I am hoping I can finish the event on Sunday under two hours. Other happy things? I scored two goals in our soccer game this past weekend, and we won 4-3. That was nice.

Unhappy things now. My roommate's Oakland middle school had a drive-by shooting yesterday. Six shots, and one kid, who I guess was a former student or a dropout from the school went to the hospital after getting hit in the legs. The worst part about it was that my roommate's classroom has windows to that side of the school and his students ran to the window and pretty much saw the whole thing. For the first time I am glad my classroom does not have windows.

Not only that, but yesterday, a teacher at my school had a conversation with me about how she is leaving to go to a better organized charter school in the district. She is an amazing English teacher and has been my mental support system all year, so another year at Richmond High seems a little grim without her across the hall. The conversation made me wonder on the drive home from school what it would be like to teach at a high-performing school instead.

3 more weeks until break... 3 more weeks until break...

This week was an odd one. In retrospect, it is actually this post, and not the last one, that should be titled "The Highs and Lows." If I have ever had a bipolar week, this one was it. Let me begin first by assuring you all that despite being overwhelmed and tired and emotionally exhausted, it's nothing a good relaxing weekend cannot reset to begin it all again next week.

To kick it off, Monday started with quite a bang- at the beginning of 4th period, one of my students came in the door crying asking if she could get a hall pass to go to the theater. When I asked why, she said that a friend of hers - and a former student of mine - had been shot and killed that day in San Jose. That geometry class was the worst lesson I have given in a long time, and the students were all worked up by this rumor that a Richmond High ninth grader had just died - and all I could think about was that Ramon used to be in my class.

At the beginning of 5th period, the assistant principal walked around to every room in the school to assure students that it was, in fact, just a rumor. The kid was actually at home sleeping - skipping school of course. His English teacher filled me in on the fact that Ramon spends much of his time as a drug-runner, so she was sad to say that she wasn't really surprised by hearing the rumor. I guess their English class did a "walk a mile in my shoes" poetry assignment, and Ramon talked all about guns, drugs, weed, and death; it was the only work he did in that class. As a 14-year old, he has made peace with the fact that he might get killed. How awful is that?

Next came Tuesday, where according to my TFA mentor, I gave my best lesson ever. If only the enthusiasm and energy to get there would be sustainable for more than one day! What I remember most from that day however, was a discussion I had with a mentor of one of my students. David is in my high -achieving 4th period class, and he is a genuine kid that tries so hard but is so far behind in math curriculum that teaching him new up-to-grade-level material is very difficult. I see him every Thursday after school for additional tutoring, and talk on the phone every two or three weeks with his mentor. Over the phone this Tuesday, I was told that him, his parents, and his four older sisters live in a trailer, and that his mother is just awful to him. I understood why David had this female mentor when she told me that his mother often gets angry with him and refuses to make him any dinner. This woman on the phone explained that she took David out and bought him a glove and cleats for him to play baseball on the Richmond team because his parents refused to do so. I hope she couldn't tell that David's geometry teacher was crying on the other end of the phone.

On Wednesday, Jose from my 5th period class stayed in during lunch to explain to me that he wanted to be an actor so that he could make a lot of money and take care of his nieces since his sister wasn't doing a good job. He explained that his entire family is moving back to Mexico but that he is going to stay because he wants to go to college, and he asked me if I could help show him how to go about the application process. The sad thing is that although I have the utmost optimism for Jose, I fear all the ways that the education system can fail him, especially if all his family is leaving to Mexico. I also feel sometimes that these kids are getting the short end of the stick by getting a first-year teacher. On a related note, having heard his story, how the hell am I supposed to give him an F in Geometry even if he only understands 20% of the material? That's going to be a tough day.

I realized on Friday how much I have built up my patience by working in a classroom. Strangely enough, this realization came with the first verbal confrontation I have had with another teacher. As it turns out, for every ounce of patience I have gained for the craziness of my students, I have lost an ounce of patience for immature adults. First off, I share a walls with three other classes, one of whom is a ninth grade English teacher. Now, I will be the first one to say that I have problems keeping my 6th period class under control, and part of those problems include banging on the wall. About every other day, I have to move a student's seat or assign detention for knocking back and forth between the walls; every time there is a knock on the wall, it seems to be in their blood that they must respond with an equal or angrier knock. Such is the mindset of how life works in this community. The term "conflict resolution" is not commonly known, and any verbal disagreement between students almost always escalates to swearing and inappropriate name-calling. This only enters the classroom scene for my freshmen.

I was appalled on Friday to find out that this teacher is like my students in many ways. For half of 6th period - at least 25 min - there was consistent knocking on the wall from her classroom. I moved every student of mine away from the wall, thinking that it was them, but still more banging. This is the same class that has six special education students, and one of them has the shortest temper of any student I have ever met. Needless to say, after 20 minutes of nonstop pounding, he ran to the wall cursing and banging like crazy. I don't think I have been that furious since the beginning of the school year - but this time I was furious along WITH my student, not AT him. At the end of the period I walked over to the other class and tried to have a civil conversation about the possibility of preventing her students from ruining the Friday quiz I had planned. She instead explained to my face that my class is always hitting the wall so today she told her class that they can hit back (which the students obviously took full advantage of). I tried to explain to her that I wish she would not approach the situation in this way, and instead talk to me before allowing her students to retaliate. Unfortunately I could not get past the phrase "...and instead talk to me..." because she kept interrupting me by saying "We're talking right now." I left her with, "Maybe we'll try this conversation again after school," since I nearly blew up in her face and in front of students, but since it was Friday, I couldn't catch her again before she left school. I just could not believe that she told her students that they could do the exact opposite of what is behaviorally appropriate in school - and in life for that matter - and I am still particularly upset about it because that is the first thing that has happened at school that made me feel like I was taken advantage of just because I am a first-year teacher. And with such a large school faculty, that was the first interaction I have had with her. Great. Monday's going to suck.

The Highs and Lows

Is it bad to take pleasure in hearing students tell me how bad other math teachers are at Richmond? The funny part is that the kids who say this aren't in my classes, so who's to say I don't fall into that category too? I think high school math class is another "the grass is always greener..." scenario, so I'm sure my students say that to other teachers too. But there is part of me that wonders, especially since I haven't been able to sit in on any other classes yet.

Anyway, I tutor every Thursday, and this is a common theme of conversation as I help these students from other classes. The kid I helped today was one of my students whose classes got switched at the semester's end, and at least he says that he liked my class way better. Nothing like an after-school self esteem boost, right? The curious thing, though, was that all the worksheets he pulled out of his bag that he needed help on were MY worksheets - my handwriting and all. We counted at least ten handouts that were straight up just photocopies of the handouts I give in my class. I mean it's not like I copyrighted my handouts, and in a way I'm kind of honored, but kind of creeped out too because I have no idea how she gets a hold of my sheets each day. During the drive home I concluded that there must be a mole student that reports to her with the work from the day. It's the only explanation. Anyway, it's weird. I don't know why she doesn't just ask for the materials.

Other highlights from the week: let's see... My best student in first period told me yesterday that I'm turning ghetto. Not knowing whether I should be worried or enthusiastic about the comment, I asked her how she decided that. She said that she can just tell. And then today was a "walk-out" day for all schools in the state of California, to protest the horrible situation of educational funding by the state. I don't know who's idea it was, but we disguised our walk-out by doing a disaster evacuation drill - to symbolize the disaster of the California education system I guess. Whether or not that was the reason, it was a good choice because there were riots at our neighboring high school during their walk-out.

Of course, there always seems to be bad news to share, and this week was pretty bad. A Richmond High senior died this past weekend by getting hit by a train. She was a pretty popular girl, so a lot of students were shaken up about it, especially after stories I heard about the press conference earlier in the week with the parents. According to the parents, the ambulance took two hours to get to her - to which they added that they are sick of the Richmond fire/ambulance/police departments treating the Latino community like second-class citizens. This conference was in front of the school, so of course the victim's closest friends got emotional and started yelling things like "F*** the police and the fire department." Yikes. The funeral is tomorrow, so I'll be missing a ton of students from class.

This whole situation brought about a can of worms when I was talking to our security guards during my prep period. If you want to know who gets affected the most by the traumatic things that happen in the school community, I think it's them. They've lived it for something like fifteen years now, and they're just numb to things now. One of the guys recounted too vividly his experience about nine years ago when a student got shot outside the school during school hours, and the student made it inside to the front office, where he died in the security guard's arms. I guess the medics couldn't get to the student in time because the scene was not clear for entry - they did not know where the shooter was, so they couldn't go inside. Hearing all that kind of freaked me out, so I'm just going to go ahead and assume that things have seriously changed since then.

Just over six weeks until the California State Tests, which really sucks because I'm fully prepared to be completely and utterly judged by the poor scores that the majority of my students will get. I think it's the CST that makes me enjoy hearing how bad other math teachers are, because it gives me hope that my scores will be higher than theirs! Having written that now, I KNOW that's why.