Anyway, it's been one of those weeks where my exhaustion seems to exist even deep down in my very soul, and I know that this clearly means that I should take a sub day to get back on my feet, but I just can't legitimize it with all the review my classes need before their final exam. Plus, we have Open House night for parents, and frankly I am so far behind on grading that I just might wing it this time on grades. I think I've decided that my discussion with parents will be much more behavior-oriented anyway because that is what is fueling the fire that has made this week hell. To put it all into perspective, I yelled - and I mean YELLED - at my third period class today because I was so fed up with how many students couldn't help but to fill class with hateful and disrespectful comments to other students like calling them a "fucking bitch," and other much more vivid names. The yelling I'm sure spurred from my own internal dialogue as this was all happening, like, "Really? Is this really still happening in this class in MAY? And in my second year???" The thing is, they never turn that language on the teacher, at least in my class, and I know it's because I am only respectful to them all the time. But the minute they start "playin' around" with their friends in class, the language comes out that makes my ears want to bleed. It's so frustrating that these kids can whip out an insult in a split second but can't even write a sentence without an error. The worst part is that they have zero foresight (or hindsight I guess) to realize that the fighting happens EVERY SINGLE TIME they start "just playin' around" with each other in class. And then poor 5th and 6th period get my overflow wrath from 3rd period the moment they even drop a pencil. My students and I have had better relationships than this week has demonstrated.
By now I'm sure you're wondering why the hell I am teaching a third year, let alone teaching summer school over break. To be honest, sometimes I look in the mirror and ask myself the same questions - especially this week - but professionally, I have so much on my plate of things to do. As long as I still have ideas of how next year will be a million times better than this year, I can look forward to returning to Richmond High. Of course, these "to do" elements do not always fit into the structure of "how the entire math department is doing it," and as such, I've tried to be way more vocal this year in my own opinions about the things that could bring about positive change. However, skepticism often runs rampant in our department and I get a lot of "we already tried that" looks, which are hard to take because I haven't tried these things yet, and I am a stubborn enough person that these people's bad experiences or failed attempts at trying something new cannot veto my plan to do it next year anyway. I'm being very vague I know, but there's a laundry list of things to address in the math classes and their curricula that I just can't even get into right now. Just know that I still have a positive outlook on my job and that summer school will be my guinea pigs for new plans in the fall.
Also, know that 3rd period sucks. I'll let them know I told you.
No comments:
Post a Comment