Long week

This is the first five full teaching days in a week I have had for quite some time now, and this week's a rough one. It's only Wednesday and I have sent five students to the office with referrals, one of them twice. Today a girl in Algebra decided that it was necessary to take a swing at a classmate, and the consequences laid upon her resulted in profanity to my face. This kind of thing didn't so much phase me at the beginning of the year, but I thought we had improved from then!

These kinds of daily happenings are so discouraging. More and more often I feel like I have run out of ideas and tactics for these ninth graders. But again and again I think of the rule to practice your weaknesses, not your strengths. Now, it's all relative - but Geometry is definitely my strength, and because of this, I find that I would much rather spend the majority of my time planning for this class and I always end up leaving the Algebra planning to last. Even as I type, I am planned for Geometry for tomorrow, but not Algebra. I am self-aware enough to know that I am somewhat feeding the problem, but my exhaustion prevents me from fixing this problem... especially this week, when it feels like even my soul is exhausted. Over-dramatic, I know.

Sometimes with the stories you hear when living around other teachers, all of our bad weeks seem to coincide, and all we can think and talk about is how much we want the week to be over - not always because of the going to bed late, getting up early, and working, but because sometimes it just feels like a weekend is necessary right at that moment to wash away the crappy things that have made their imprint on the week. Case in point: yesterday, at my roommate's school - middle school, mind you - three kids brought guns to school, and now they are all arrested. The thing I find most upsetting is that these middle schoolers thought it was worth the risk of being expelled to bring the firearm to school, which means they are not invested in this whole education thing to begin with. No wonder this job is hard.

On the bright side of things, the English Department at Richmond hosted Poetry Out Loud, a poetry recitation competition, in the Student Center at school. Disregarding the fact that teachers gave out boatloads of extra credit for their students showing up after school, it was nice to see that amidst everything else at this school, there are still some all-star kids that care. A lot, actually. But it's tough - on the one hand, I have to focus on my top performers and most improved students to help motivate me (and support my emotional health!), but on the other hand, I can't ignore my problem students or else I'm not doing what I came here to do. As you can see, my only hope for temporary peace of mind is still two days away.

Let's be honest, this is a procrastination post.

I got back from credentialing class today at 8:30pm, with planning still to do for tomorrow, but my energy is boosted by some comments from my classmates. Upon introductions to my newest table group in class, my group-mates agreed that I "have a ticket to heaven for teaching at Richmond High," which makes me laugh, because it's really not that bad. I firmly believe that even if I had taught at my own high school, there would be an entirely different group of stressors that would contribute to my life being just as pleasant. Of course, the magnitude and seriousness of those stressors my differ widely.

After working through a logic exercise today in class, too, my table partner said that I could get such a better job, and should apply to Chevron based on how I answer the logic problems. It's definitely interesting how people believe that jobs such as teaching at Richmond High are at the bottom of the totem pole as far as teaching goes. It makes you wonder what quantifies the "best" high school teaching job: an "easier" one with high performing students predisposed to going to college, or a more challenging one with lower performing students and a much bigger potential impact (in my first year, that 'potential' word is key...). But I suppose it would be nice not having to lose your temper in Algebra once a week...

If nothing else, the craziness has forced me to explicitly identify any "me-time" that I have set aside for myself. Recently this me-time has taken shape in the kitchen, and my newest Costco membership has only bolstered that. Sunday morning was pancakes AND waffles, and Sunday night I made "Salmon Fillets in Red Wine" for five, courtesy of the cookbook I have recently been poring through. Next on the menu is "Pan-Seared Steak with Red Wine Sauce." As you can see, the current trend is any dish that gives me an excuse to finish a bottle of wine.

Blackout

The fact that this is the second post in two days can only mean one thing: today was another crazy day.

First of all, I think I've figured out that the reason why so many people around here are put off by Seattle rain is because they think that Washington rain is the same as California rain. Wrong. California rain comes in storms, with winds that toss your car around on the way to work and an amount of water that floods the streets of Oakland. It's a rain that makes a good percentage of students not come to school...

So anyway, midway through first period today, the power went out, which is not a big deal unless your classroom doesn't have any windows... like all of the classrooms at Richmond High. I was only glad it was pitch black as I was embarrassingly feeling my way across the class to where I thought my desk was so that I could feel my way through the drawers to find the emergency flashlight that I had organized so well that now I couldn't find it.

After finding the flashlight we sat around as a class for two hours without power, moving from the classroom to the commons and losing track of my students one by one. In the end a pretty big amount of students just left to go home, and if I could have, I would have joined them. The boredom was only briefly delayed by a hilarious conversation with my students about how to spell my last name - keeping in mind that my name has been on the back whiteboard since day one and all the students say it all the time. I thought I had heard and seen every possible spelling, but this one takes the cake. Evelyn was positive that her first period Geometry teacher was Mr. Bretto. Unfortunately that one might stick for a while... at least until I make a test question that asks them to spell their teacher's name.

More California rain tomorrow!

Hitting the Reset Button

Clearly I have found that when things get hectic, the blog is one of the first things to go. Not having deadlines or external expectations on this thing really tests my personal motivation and willpower.

I am currently at school on a work day (no students) so that we can finish grades for the semester. Second semester starts tomorrow, and the idea of being done with half of the year is truly glorious. Hopefully this entry emanates a happy mood considering I just got back from a Oregon ski trip this past weekend, spending time with younger college friends - and playing the part of the wise out-of-college friend (they're so gullible...). The first half of the day today has been devoted to a visit from Laura van Dernoot Lipsky and a presentation on the topics of her book, "Trauma Stewardship" http://traumastewardship.com/, which was actually amazing. She talked all about how to make your profession a sustainable and joyful experience, which I will admit has been a new year's resolution for me. In the faculty conversations that followed, I was surprised to hear that many teachers that have been around for a long time think that this past semester was the most difficult yet, for violence and other reasons.

If nothing else, I hope reading and reflecting on this book will curb some of my insanity that is beginning to feel somewhat like an addiction to stress - knowing that there is always more to be done, and the general feeling that I am not fulfilling the Teach For America expectations unless I am killing myself with work. I do believe that I will suggest that TFA recruits this woman to speak to new corps members because she talks all about how to care for yourself while caring for others, which is by far the biggest issue I see among friends and colleagues, and often feel myself. Right now, there is always a feeling that I have forgotten something - to a point that I refresh my email three times in five minutes so that I can be aware of everything I need to do... which is so counter-intuitive, because I create stress for myself enough as it is! Sometimes I feel like I have a stress addiction. Maybe that means I'm addicted to adrenaline. I do like scary movies a lot...

Anyway, this presentation came at a good time of the year when everyone really needed it. I certainly needed the break after giving literally half of my students Ds or Fs on their report card. Our teaching community needed it after a shooting that happened last Thursday, killing a former RHS student. Turns out all the teachers just needed to talk about this stuff, because as the analogy was presented to us, we are all like sponges, and unless we get wrung out every once in a while, we can't take in any more of this trauma, and we start becoming desensitized to it. I am looking forward to reading the book, because I think there is more that I can do for myself besides soccer and a good cry every once in a while.

On the bright side, the talks made the whole faculty think about things they can do to improve their care for themselves, and a group of us teachers made a pact that we will run a half-marathon in March, so I guess I'm going to start going on runs with other teachers right after school. I figured it would be good for soccer anyway...

Ok back to grading; grades are due in a couple hours.